IVF Chronicles #4: The Glorious Embryo Transfer Day

Wow. It sure has been a busy month! So sorry that it’s been so long since I’ve posted in our IVF Chronicles timeline, but things have been on a fast track, I guess you could say.

Saturday, July 11th, I had my baby shower, and honestly, it wasn’t something I wanted to do. For some reason, I had this big hang-up that because we could afford to do IVF, I was afraid there would be this blanket of “So you can afford to do IVF, but you can’t afford ____________, ___________, and ___________” hanging over the whole event and I just didn’t want that. It wasn’t worth it to me and thanks to being the last of my best friends’ group to get pregnant, there wasn’t a whole lot left that we needed to get. Maybe a few small things here and there, but they set us up so well, as did my obsession with Facebook Marketplace and grabbing up new or gently used deals here and there when I saw them.

But…..that feeling of “You shouldn’t have a shower” made me sad too. Really sad. Because there’s so much that IVF takes from you – no surprise “I’m pregnant” for you or your spouse/family, no easing into planning a family on your and your husband’s timeline, etc., and I was afraid this was going to be yet another one of those things. I remember going to many friends’ showers and thinking, “Oh I can’t wait to be a big-bellied prego mama, spending a day celebrating our babe.”

So after a breakdown – yes, a literal crying and feeling like the world was crashing down because I was being asked to do a registry and I felt so guilty even choosing anything – my girlfriends convinced me that “People want to bless you, Tal. They want to be a part of this baby. They want to give something to you and the new life you’re bringing into the world. It’s not a money thing, it’s a ‘I love you and I want you to have this’ thing.” After that, I succumbed and invites were ordered and I am so, so glad we went forth with the shower.

Because of COVID, many things were moved around last minute and venues we originally had planned for months ago were changed for heat and safety reasons, but honestly, it was the very best day! Like almost as good as my wedding day! No, it wasn’t the decorations or even the abundance of gifts; it was the sharing.

In lieu of games, my mom had everyone in attendance go around the room and introduce themselves, tell how they know me, and provide either a “Talia” story or some motherly advice.

Truly, when I think about that day, I still cry the happiest tears. And I cried during the whole shower. I mean, there might have been about 30 minutes I did not cry, but the sentiments that were shared were some great memories relived, some great motherly advice filled with statements I’ll continue to remember throughout the years, and then other things that were said that I would have never known had it not been for this special sharing time.

All of the things said were so touching, but a few that stand out are:

• “I really wasn’t sure how to take my first impression of Talia, Andy’s wife. We had known Andy for the longest time before meeting Talia because he and his crew built our home, so we had spent lots of time with Andy, but we hadn’t yet met Talia. Well, we finally met her at a basketball game and she had on these glittery tennis shoes and she was all ‘Talia’d up,’ hair perfectly done, nothing was out of place, and I just thought ‘This girl? For Andy? No way.’ Well, we didn’t want to judge the book by its cover, so one day they came out on our boat with us and she was so comfortable being around us, she fell asleep in the midst of total chaos, and I thought, ‘I am going to really like this girl,’ and since, we’ve become really close.” - Shannon, one of my now very close friends and my pregnancy confidant as she’s about one week apart from me with her second baby girl 😊

• “There are days you’re not going to get it right. You and Andy aren’t going to know what to do, but you start over the next day and you figure it out. And don’t put so much pressure on yourselves to make your child be the perfect little girl and have all the girl things in place. Let her be who she is, and if that’s someone playing in the dirt, or that’s someone caring about all things girly, let her be her. I wish I had realized that earlier on with my girls because I cared too much about how she was going to be viewed by others.” - Juli, Andy’s sister.

• “Talia was my older cousin that I looked up to so much because she was pretty, and popular, and wasn’t afraid to love Jesus.” – my cousin, Jordan Haines.

And there were so many more, but it just filled the room with this sweet, sweet spirit and will remain a day I’ll never forget!

But…..quickly after the shower, we experienced our first hiccup in the pregnancy: 24-hour hospitalized pre-term labor watch ☹.

Who knows what really caused it – probably overdoing it because I have been pretty active in this pregnancy and trying to get too many things done in a day – but I went to a scheduled appointment, was dilated to 1 (which I know is nothing), already lost my mucous plug, but it was too early to have a baby. Was told to go home and not overdo it, but to come back if I felt any more pelvic pressure.

Well, the next day it was much more intense and I felt I should call, so I did. That proceeded to me going for an appointment – thinking I could just go back to work or home afterwards – and we go from thinking that to being admitted right away and having to endure a 24-hour “magnesium wash,” which was terrible. I mean, terrible. Made you feel like you had the flu times 10. You were burning up hot, but also wanted to get in a hot bath to relieve the ache, etc. I was so glad when that was over, so I’ve been truly taking it easy – no more exercise of any kind – and have been feeling really good.

But with that being said: She’s probably going to come sooner than we thought, so we’ve been on overdrive getting things ready that we thought we had another six weeks to a month to complete. I’m measuring about a week and a half ahead, and my original due date was September 4th…..but……we’re thinking she’s going to be here in the next few weeks, so we’re soaking up the last minutes together as a family of two and anxiously awaiting her arrival.

Nevertheless, I added all of these details in so I could look back years later and remember, but I’ll get back to our last blog post in the IVF Chronicles: The Glorious Embryo Transfer Day, all about what lead up to our embryo transfer, when we found out we were pregnant, and the after pregnancy protocol.

---

December 17, 2019 was our embryo transfer day, but we had to start medications - see photos below as there were 3 different shots to given at various times - much before that. Many of the shots were the same as the IVF cycle - quick, but still painful - but the Progesterone in Sesame Seed Oil is a THICK substance that had to be injected in your bum. It stings, and is really hard to push. Again, thank the Lord that Andy was

more than willing to take on this task and we got pretty good at keeping Band-Aids on so he could see where he stuck me last. Yeah, it’s that intense.

Finally when December 17th rolls around, we’re so excited, but also so thankful. One, we’re thankful we got one. Even one embryo to be able to use. And we’re also thankful that the embryo thaw went well and that our one chance wasn’t ruined. Yes, that can happen. Not often, but it’s another risk you take when you’re in this process.

So the day’s here, we’re in the waiting room, and they call us back.

Previously, my doctor had already done a “test run” to see how easy it would be to get through the cervix with this embryo. It’s a process that needs to happen speedily. From the time the embryologist gives the doctor the embryo (through a pass-through door), to the time she gets it on her wand and inserts it, it needs to be a very quick process; probably in the seconds and cannot exceed a minute. Not sure on that, but thankfully she was able to get through again quickly and once the embryo was inserted into my uterus, it looked like a shooting star on the monitor. It was so cool to see this little spark of light dance across the screen, almost as if it was saying, “Hey, I’m your baby. Watch me go.”

After that, they got me up off the table, talked to us a little more and sent us on our way. We stopped for lunch on our way home, but other than that, it was a low-key day, not filled with a bunch of hype and stress. But then the 10-day countdown began.

Prior to our transfer, my mom was hosting her church’s Ladies Fellowship at her house and they called me when doing prayer requests to ask for an update of how things were going. I told them that we had started the shots and that the 17th was our day if they could really be praying on that day and the days after that it would attach, and I could become pregnant.

As the line went silent, waiting on the next person to speak out their own request, my Aunt Kim spoke up and said, “I’ll take ____________ day to pray for Talia,” and then another said “I’ll take ____________” until there was almost a 10-day-to-two-week prayer warrior for each and every day leading up to and after our transfer. I remember this was on speakerphone and I was preparing dinner while discussing the transfer. Andy was sitting at the bar listening and we both just started to cry.

I say over and over and over….and have said over and over: I don’t know how anyone would be able to walk in this life without a relationship with the Lord. But too: I don’t know how anyone could survive in this world without Him, and without others to lean on. Yes, I had gone to church with 80% of these women years ago and they’re like family to me, but this was my issue, my problem, and they chose to carry me through anyway.

So for about five days leading up to our transfer and seven days after, we had someone praying, “Lord, be with Talia and Andy. Show them you’re in this. Calm their nerves and prepare her uterus for this gift that you’re going to give them, give this child life, full and abundant, healthy and happy”….etc. Each and every prayer was different I’m sure, but I heard often from the women, “Today’s my day to pray. Anything specific you need God to do” and I would answer.

For me, that was probably one of the most gracious gifts I’ve ever been given. Time is a hard thing to come by in this world and to know that someone was taking the time to pray for me randomly throughout an entire day just gave me a sense that “God, I know you’re going to be pestered. Please hear their cries. Please hear our cries. Please work in this.” That gift that they gave me made my nerves stop rattling and I was able to proceed through the next steps without hesitation and worry.

Even after the transfer, we continued with the medicine because they don’t want you to get this embryo and then stop taking “care” of it. They want you to treat it as if you’re already pregnant and they’re trying to keep that baby in there - the days before and the days after your transfer – so that means more shots.

Everyone in my family knew that December 27th was going to be the day we’d find out if it worked and we all wanted to be together when the news arrived…..whatever it may be. My parents had talked about heading to the beach on Christmas day, and it seemed everyone in my immediate family – brother, sister-in-law, nieces, parents, and grandparents – was going to be spending the week between Christmas and New Year at the beach, so we decided to go down too.

I would be lying if I said I didn’t have some great apprehension, because I did. One, we’re down there with my family and there’s this big news about to be unveiled in a few days. How will it be if it’s not positive? How will I react? How will the rest of the vacation go? How will it affect everyone else? And, I felt no different in my body.

There were times when we were doing the IUI’s where I would think “Oh, my boobs are tender. I think I may be pregnant.” Or I’d have a tinge of morning sickness and think “Maybe it worked!” But this time, I felt no different. I felt like my same self and I really had convinced myself that it wasn’t going to work this time and we’d just have to do it all over again quickly.

And really, I guess I was okay with that because I had wrestled with the “Not this time, Tal” feeling and was then started pre-planning, thinking “God didn’t make it work this time so we could get more embryos and then insist two get inserted so we could maybe be one and done with twins.” You know how your mind starts to race to fix the current problem with future plans? Yeah, that was exactly what I was doing.

On the night before we were to go and do the bloodwork, Andy and I were in bed and I rolled over and looked at him, tears streaming down my face, “Honey, what if it’s negative. How disappointed are you going to be?”

As I’ve said in other posts, for me, yes, I wanted to be a mom, but more, I wanted Andy to be a dad. I couldn’t wait to see him calm our child from a crying fit, or say to them “You’re daddy’s favorite.” I could just see the light in his eyes when he talked about our kids and I so wanted to give that to him.

His reply was perfect….as it always is: “Tal, it’s okay. We’ll just do it again and then we may even have more luck and have the opportunity at more chances.” What a wonderful man he is. He always calms the storm in me with his love and acceptance, and this time was no different. We laid in bed and held hands till we fell asleep, but I still felt extremely hesitant about what kind of results we were going to get.

Morning came and the shots continued. We left the condo and headed for LabCorp for a blood draw and were one of their first patients so it could be sent to Ohio Reproductive Medicine first thing for STAT review. When we walked out it was kind of like a, “Well, it’s over. It is what it is and we’ll just wait.”

In between 3:00 and 4:00 p.m. we were supposed to receive a call from ORM with the results. 1:00 o’clock passed. 2:00 o’clock passed. And 3:00 o’clock passed and Andy could tell I was about to lose it, so he said, “Let’s go to the beach.”

We headed down there with my dog, Miller – who only got to come because it was a “He comes or we cannot” so my mom caved, but no matter how good he was, this wasn’t an open invitation – and started to throw his ball, in hopes of passing the time.

About 3:30pm rolls around and I decide I can’t wait anymore, I’m calling them. So among the crashing waves, I dial and ask if anyone has read my results yet. The receptionist is nice, but says she’ll have to pass on the message, and we go back to ball throwing.

About 15 minutes later I receive “the call.”

I said to Andy, “It’s them. They’re calling” and hit “Accept.”

With my ear plugged and the other smashed with my phone so I can be sure to hear them, the nurse, Megan, says, “Talia, do you have a feeling as to whether or not you’re pregnant? Have you taken a test?” My response: “Oh no. I was too afraid to do that. I was going to wait on you all to tell me one way or the other.”

She comes back on the line, “Well honey, you’re definitely pregnant! Your levels are very high and we need you to keep doing the blood work for the next three days to ensure we don’t have a false positive, but you’re pregnant! Those numbers should just continue to rise and we want to monitor you till they’re at ___________.”

By then, I’m not crying because I’m just so shocked but I remember saying back to her: “Well, we cannot thank you enough. You all don’t realize what miracles your clinic is granting people who need your help so badly, so I hope you also feel good on this day because you’ve just granted us a long-awaited wish.” She thanked me and we hang up.

I look at Andy and say, “IT’S POSITIVE! WE’RE PREGNANT!” He picks me up and twirls me around. We both just cannot believe it, but we cannot stop smiling like idiots either!

So after the initial shock wears off, we call my mom to see where she is. Of course, she’s at Tanger Outlets down the road and we’re trying not to give away anything, but said “Well, let us know when you get back.” In the meantime, Andy grabs a stick and we spell out, “It’s a YES!” We thought about “It’s positive,” but that just seemed impersonal and odd, so “It’s a YES” worked!

As our family came home from errand running, etc. they each came out on the balcony and saw our big sign with Andy, myself, and Miller 😊. Each cried, my crazy brother did this insane whoop, and we ran upstairs, hugged everyone, and went to dinner to celebrate!

As the week went on we notified others who have been in the bunker with us of our good news, but told them “It’s a secret for many more weeks because I’m like 3-4’ish weeks pregnant and not out of the woods yet.”

For the next few weeks, we basked in the secret, continued the shots, and relished in God’s goodness and mercy, but His timing was everything in this whole thing.

You know, more often than not, God doesn’t work on our timeline, and that’s always irked me. I mean, I am always planning ahead. Always thinking of what needs to be done in the days to come, and living in the moment isn’t a strong suit of mine. And this was no different. I had one plan: Get pregnant on my own. Well, that didn’t work out, so do IVF and not to have to wait one and a half months for the embryo transfer to occur, but His plan proved to be the best.

You see, when I was getting divorced, my grandpa was slowly deteriorating, and honestly, I was hoping he pass before he had to know the truth. I didn’t want him to be disappointed in me. I didn’t want him to see me in the state I was in: Broken in a million pieces. I didn’t want him to be burdened with my mess. I just wanted him to be able to pass believing I was happy and loved. But that didn’t happen.

In the months leading up to his death, he knew how shattered I was. He could see it all over my face and it broke him so. I just remember him laying on the couch and saying, “I just want you to be ‘happy Talia’ again because I love you so much.” My hurt hurt him so badly and he passed into the arms of Jesus on December 27, 2018 knowing my brokenness all too well. Man, what I would give for him to meet Andy and see our life now. How happy we are. How excited for the future we are. How we cannot wait to show him what kind of parents we're going to be because he was the best example of a grandpa you could ever ask for.

Well, December 27th also happens to be my brother Tyler’s birthday, and many years ago, we experienced something together that we’ll both never be able to forget. In my post next week, I’ll reveal what that is and how it factors into God’s amazing timeliness surrounding my IVF journey, but it was such a GIFT to be able to say to my brother, “I’m pregnant” on his birthday, and also on the day that Grandpa went to heaven.

So you see, God’s timing really is the best. He always shows up at the right time and His timing involves so much more joy than we could ever drum up on our own. Had I gotten pregnant on my own timing, these dates wouldn’t have collided. Should I have been able to continue on with the normal IVF plan, these dates wouldn’t be significant now.

His timing is everything and I cannot wait to reveal my last blog post in this series, next week. And yes, it will be next week because I’m down to weeks now till we meet our beautiful little girl, and I can’t guarantee it would ever get written after she’s here 😊.If you don’t know Him, please reach out to me or someone else who can help you find Him. He’s waiting on you. He’s waiting to change your life and totally mess up your life’s timeline with oh so much goodness. Know when you’re feeling alone and like no one’s there, He is and he wants to give you the best life He can…..and that may look very different than what you had in mind. Sometimes it’s being thankful for the mess you made, and the cleanup crew that He becomes. His plan for you is so much greater than anything you could ever dream for yourself. So even in the waiting and even in the mess, hold on to that and know He’s there. Right there. Walking right beside you.